Suspect
by RebelWade
Summary: Of all the ways she could have reunited with her ex-partner, she could never have predicted this would be it. Elliot Stabler returns for an interrogation.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This came out of the idea of Cassidy returning as a suspect... It made me wonder what would happen if that was how Elliot returned. This story is already complete, but the last few chapters aren't up yet! Hope you enjoy!**

"I know it's your day off, Lieu, but this is already a complicated case and we could use your help," Carisi explained to Olivia.

Olivia nodded to herself, knowing that her days off were only successful about half the time. She just dropped Noah off at school and was heading to a yoga class when she got the call. "Well, tell me what the case is," she said as she turned the opposite direction of the yoga studio and started walking back to her apartment, weaving through pedestrians on the busy Manhattan street.

"Another professor was raped, and—"

"The College Prof Rapist again?" Olivia asked, frustrated. "We've got to find this guy and put him away!"

"There may be no need," Carisi said.

Olivia stopped walking. "Excuse me?"

"The rapist is dead… He was one of our suspects, Brad Carlson. If the DNA from the rape kit matches, then our hunt for the College Prof Rapist is over."

"Our vic killed him?"

"Uh, no," Carisi explained. Olivia put one finger to the ear opposite the one listening on the phone so she could hear better. "He's denying it, but the main murder suspect is the vic's father."

"Jesus," Olivia cursed. "I hate prosecuting people who deserve metals."

Olivia heard Carisi chuckle. "I know you do, Lieu. We're bringing them in, the victim and her father."

"Okay, I'm glad you called, Carisi. Bring everyone in, get things settled, and I'll be there soon."

"Sure thing. See you soon."

…

Olivia changed her clothes and headed to the precinct. She saw Fin's name pop up on her phone as it buzzed, but ignored it since she was just an elevator ride away from seeing him. She hit the red button and tapped the screen to check her emails. She was sorting through them as she stepped off the elevator.

"Liv!" She heard Fin call her from across the room.

She held up a finger while still looking at her phone. "One sec," she said, continuing to read. "Carisi filled me in. I'll call Barba in a minute to help us navigate the situation." She marched forward to her office.

"Liv, wait!" Hearing the urgency in his voice, she turned.

"What is it?" she asked, suddenly finding herself concerned. She couldn't quite read the look on Fin's face.

Fin stepped forward and spoke in a low, quiet tone. "There are some huge details about this case that Carisi didn't know he needed to fill you in on."

Her brow furrowed as she dropped her arm, quickly losing interest in her emails and giving Fin her attention.

Fin shuffled and dropped his gaze, rubbing his head. Olivia had never seen him at a loss for words.

"Fin!" Olivia snapped. "What the hell is going on?"

"It's the suspect… he's…" The look he's giving her is like he's trying to be gentle with a child's feelings.

"It's the victim's father…" Olivia finishes the sentence for him impatiently.

"Yeah, but… Okay. I just gotta say it. Liv, the suspect—"

"Olivia!"

Olivia's eyes were pulled away from Fin and they landed on a familiar blonde who was running toward her. The nostalgia of seeing the girl made Olivia smile and before she knew it, she was caught in an embrace.

"Lizzy?" Olivia asked. "God, it's good to see you, sweetie!" she rubbed Lizzy's back affectionately as they hugged, but as it continued, Olivia noticed that the girl's breathing was deep and rapid. Lizzy sucked in a large breath, and the exhale came out in a sob. Olivia's face dropped. _No. It's not her. It can't be,_ she thought. Olivia's heart began to race. She couldn't stand the thought of someone she loved so much and had seen grow up being the rape victim in the case she was working. She couldn't stand Lizzy knowing that kind of pain. She had to be here for some other reason. Any other reason. She pulled Lizzy back and peered into her tearful eyes. Holding her by the shoulders, she dreaded the answer to the question she was about to ask. "Lizzy… What are you doing here?"

Lizzy brought her hand to her face and wiped tears from her cheeks. "I should have known better," Lizzy cried. "I should have fought more. I know better than to let this happen!"

Olivia knew that she was blaming herself to being assaulted. She knew it in her head, but her heart still didn't want to believe it. She needed to hear it plainly. "Lizzy," she said, almost sternly. "What happened?"

Lizzy exhaled into a shaky sigh and closed her eyes. "I was raped," she lamented.

Olivia's heart sank into her stomach as Lizzy confirmed her fears. She closed her eyes and brought the girl back into her embrace, cradling her head like she would her own child. "Oh god… I'm so sorry Lizzy. I'm so, so sorry…" she told her. "Do you need me to call your—"

Her words fell apart as she remembered Carisi's words, _the main suspect is the vic's father._

Heat in her chest and bile in her stomach made their way to her throat. She was sure she was going to vomit. Her head felt fuzzy and her vision blurry, but she somehow still found Fin, who still stood nearby. As soon as their eyes met, Fin gave her a solemn nod.

 _"No,"_ Olivia whispered harshly. She released Lizzy and was unable to speak as she left her to make her way to the window of the interrogation room. She rounded a corner and as soon as her eyes saw through the two-way mirror, Olivia's world halted like she had run into a brick wall. There he was, where she had seen him a thousand times before, but not in five years. His face was hard, his jaw tight, head down. But the sight she wasn't ready for was the hands that were interlocked on the table in front of him—wrists bound by silver chains.

The murder suspect was Elliot Stabler.

…

"You okay?"

Fin's voice snapped Olivia out of the myriad of thoughts she was circling through as she stared at her former partner: it had been five years since she'd seen him; Elliot was a murder suspect; he would never murder someone; but for his daughter—he would. He absolutely would. This is how they reunite? She had thought about it so many times and this scenario was never an option. How dare he let this be the way they finally speak again—an interrogation. Bastard.

Olivia avoided Fin's question altogether. "Did you talk to him?" she asked.

Fin shook his head. "Carisi and Rollins brought him in. They didn't even know he was a cop."

"Ex cop." A pang in Olivia's chest was set off by the words… The pang she felt for months after he left her.

Fin nodded. "He hasn't said a word, but he also hasn't lawyered up… I… I think he's waiting for you, Liv."

She knew he was. But there was no way she could step foot into that room. Not yet. She had no idea where to begin. Her instinct was to protect him, help him, hug him, comfort him. But her pride fed into the part of her that was still angry at her best friend for leaving her without a word. She understood. She did. But it didn't soften the blow.

She turned to Fin. "Let him wait," she said. And she moved past him to find Lizzy. This was no different from any other case. She would start with the victim first.

…

"I hate that this is how we are having to catch up after such a long time," Olivia said as she handed Lizzy a glass of water. She sat down next to her on the couch in her office.

Lizzy nodded. "He wanted to call. I know he did," Lizzy started in defense of her father. It caught Olivia off-guard, that's not where she was going with this at all. "I told him all the time to just pick up the phone. I don't know why he didn't."

Olivia shook her head and placed a gentle hand on the young girl's knee. "No, Lizzy. That's not what I mean." She sighed as she gathered her thoughts. She wanted to jump into the case, but she knew she needed to defuse Lizzy's anxiety over the way her father left. She saw some guilt-by-proxy for the way Elliot treated her. She took another deep breath and looked intently at the blonde. "Listen, sweetheart. I don't want you to worry about me and your dad. Okay? We have some things to work out, but that's not the biggest concern right now."

Lizzy nodded in understanding.

"Lizzy, can you tell me what happened last night?"

Lizzy closed her eyes and narrowed her face. Olivia recognized the face from when Lizzy would sit at the station and do homework. It was a concentrating face. "I just graduated with my masters in English and started a new job teaching at Hudson Jr College."

Olivia couldn't help but display a beaming smile. "I'm so proud of you, Lizzy. Congratulations."

Lizzy smiled shyly. "Thanks… Well, I'd known about the College Prof Rapist, one of the previous victims was a colleague and friend of mine, so I've been keeping up with the case on the news. I just… I didn't think…" Olivia could hear her throat tightening.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Lizzy. No one thinks it could happen to them. You did what you needed to do. You survived."

Lizzy wiped a stray tear and continued. "I had just finished a lecture and the class emptied out. He must have come in as they were going. He came up behind me, said 'let's play teacher' and raped me. I fought at first, but then I froze. I don't know why."

"That's a normal response to trauma, Lizzy. You can't always control how you'll respond in that situation."

"But when he… when he was done, I… I turned to see him and he was taking his mask off as he walked out the door. He looked like the one you had shown on TV. One of the suspects—Brad Carlson. I sat in my classroom… I don't know how long. I knew that I should have called you first. I had your number pulled up on my phone. But, then I thought of Dad and I…" her voice broke. "I…"

Olivia knew exactly why she called him. It's why she would have called him in that situation. _My old partner. He'd know what to do,_ she recalled with a small shiver. "You knew he would kill him."

Lizzy's eyes squinted shut as she nodded her head with a sob. "He says he didn't" she cried. "He says Carlson was dead when he found him, Liv, and I want to believe him, but… Oh god…"

Olivia understood the juxtaposition. She wanted Elliot to be cleared of this crime while also wanting it to be true. She wanted Elliot to have the satisfaction of murdering his daughter's rapist. But after everything he'd been through, the last thing she wanted for him, despite the pain he'd caused her, was for him to be put away for a crime that should be justified.

Olivia leaned back against the couch and allowed Lizzy to cry into her shoulder. She held her tightly and promised her, "we'll fix this, Lizzy. We'll make it right."

It took another hour before she could do it. She talked herself in and out of it more times than she could count in those sixty minutes. But it all came down to Lizzy. Olivia couldn't worry about her own feelings right now—Lizzy needed her father to be exonerated. Hell, who was she kidding? _Olivia_ needed Elliot to be exonerated. But she wouldn't admit that. And exonerating him wasn't her job right now. Right now, he was a murder suspect. So, she checked her makeup, made sure she looked professional, stood up straight, and walked into the interrogation room acting like she was reading his case file.

His handcuffs clinked together as Elliot stood. "Liv…" he said quietly.

Olivia tightened her grip on the folder she held and looked up at him, her face refusing to shift. "It's Lieutenant Benson."


	2. Chapter 2

What she meant as a shut-down ended up putting a small smile on Elliot's face. "So I hear," Elliot said. "Congrats, Lieutenant. I knew you'd run this place one day."

She was struck by his sentiment and by how time seemed to have stood still on his features. So much time had passed and so much in her life had changed that for some reason she expected him to have changed too- to look different. But there he was, in jeans and a white, bloodied undershirt, his blue eyes with the stare and confidence of a Spanish bull—her partner.

After realizing she was holding his gaze too long, she snapped back to the case file. She read through a few sentences before closing it and throwing it down on the table. Nothing in that case file compared to what she already knew and could use on him.

"Sit down," she commanded. He did, then she sat across from him. "Why'd you do it?" she asked plainly, keeping any semblance of emotion out of her voice.

Elliot stared at her, his expression flat. "You know I didn't."

"Actually, no. I don't know that."

He huffed in disbelief. "You _do_ know that. And you have no proof linking me to this, so you can't keep me here."

"Then why haven't you left?"

Elliot paused. "You mean apart from the cuffs?... Liv, I swear. This wasn't me."

She refused to get caught up in the use of her nick name this time. "You have his blood on your clothes, Stabler," she pointed out.

"And when Warner finishes the autopsy, you'll see that the guy was dead long before I was found at the scene! He was already in rigor when I got there, Olivia. His blood is on me because I went to see if he was alive."

"That's an incredibly convenient story," Olivia said.

Elliot rolled his eyes. "You _know_ that I'm not capable of doing something like this," he said, leaning in.

Olivia raised her eyebrows. "No?" she played. Now she was sinking into her rhythm as a detective. Not only was she good at this in general, but she also knew how to push Elliot's buttons better than anyone, and he just threw her a pop-fly she could easily catch. She remained calm as she challenged him. "I could gather one hefty jacket of an ex-detective that would say differently… a jacket with enough excessive force complaints to last him a lifetime."

One side of Elliot's lips raised slightly. "And in every one of those complaints, you'll see the written support of his partner- one Miss Olivia Benson."

Olivia shrugged the comment off, even though she did feel like he one-upped her. "Maybe she was just a naïve, young detective, hiding behind the thin blue line one too many times."

Elliot just shook his head in disbelief when a tap on the other side of the mirror paused their conversation.

"Excuse me," Olivia said. She stood and walked out of the interrogation room to find ADA Barba waiting on the other side. Fin, Amanda, and Carisi were with him, watching through the glass.

"Barba, I'm glad you're here," she began. "We have a new case involvi—"

"What the hell are you doing?" Barba asked.

Taken aback, Olivia's head jerked. "What do you mean? I'm interrogating a murder suspect."

"You're interrogating your ex-partner," he corrected.

"So?"

"So, there are five-hundred reasons why this is a horrible idea, Olivia. Any good defense attorney could get a confession thrown out because of the history you two have."

"Cops have interrogated ex-partners before, Rafael."

"Not the ones who were partners for twelve years and have a reputation for covering each other's asses," he fired back.

"Raffa," she reasoned. "He wouldn't talk to Rollins or Carisi. He will only talk to me. I _know_ him. I know what buttons to push and how to manipulate him."

"And you don't think he knows how to do the same exact thing with you?"

She didn't have a response, and for the first time, realized that he was right. Elliot could play her just as well as she could play him. But she wasn't the one under investigation. All she could do was stare down the ADA until Barba gave in. She knew he didn't have any better ideas.

"Fine," Barba finally said. "Just… try to disconnect emotionally, don't let it get personal, and be careful. If things get complicated, I'm interrupting again."

Olivia nodded her head once, then went back through the door. She thought about what Barba said and decided to maintain her distance by standing further away this time. She went to the mirror and leaned back against it, her arms crossed.

"New ADA?" Elliot asked. "What happened to Novak?"

She ignored the attempt to connect with her. "If you didn't kill him, what were you doing at Brad Carlson's apartment?"

Elliot's face fell and he stared at Olivia for a moment before his eyes dropped to the table in front of him.

"Come on, Stabler!" she challenged him with her arms open as she stood at the mirror. "What's your excuse this time? Huh? You just wanted to sit him down for tea? Why were you there? How did you find him?"

"Look," Elliot started, his voice low and gravelly. Olivia knew he was starting to get angry. "The prick raped by daughter. Lizzy called me and… Liv, you know me. You know that I was…"

"You had rage. Vengeance."

" _Of course I did!_ " he yelled, standing as he did. "What the hell would you expect? That bastard raped my daughter!" He walked around his chair, turning away from Olivia, and he walked to the window. "I knew he was on the list of suspects, but Lizzy actually saw his face and confirmed that Carlson was the rapist. Finding him was easy after that," he said more calmly.

Olivia nodded as she put his story together. So far it made sense. "So you found him, stabbed him, and didn't have time to flee the scene before the cops arrived."

Elliot turned back to her slowly. This time, Olivia sensed sadness in his eyes. He walked closer to her but stopped at the side of the table. "I told myself that I was just going to rough him up, then bring him to you," he said. He dropped his head and shook it. "I don't know. Maybe if he had been alive when I got there I _would_ have killed him… Maybe I would have. He raped my baby, Liv."

Olivia's chest tingled as she watched the pain that surged through her partner's heart and she couldn't help but get caught up in it.

"I _know_ you would have," she said softly. "Lizzy knew it too. It's why she called you."

Elliot looked up at her. "Did Lizzy tell you that?"

Olivia shrugged. "Yeah, but… she didn't have to. I already knew."

"What do you mean? How did you know that's why she called me?"

 _My ex-partner. He'd know what to do._

"Because it's the same reason I needed you."

The thick tension sent needles down her stomach as their eyes locked. Her heart fluttered with pain, abandonment, and she hated herself that it was mixed with desire, even after all these years.

Elliot was in the middle of taking one step forward when the door to the interrogation room swung open. Barba stepped in. "You're done here, Lieutenant."

Her eyes didn't move from her partner. "Barba, it's fine."

"I said _you're done._ "

She turned to Barba at his tone and the situation came to a crash when she saw the anger on his face. She let herself get personal. Way too personal. She wasn't even sure if Elliot knew about William Lewis, but she knew he understood what she was saying. And Barba sure as hell knew. She glanced at Elliot once more before retreating, stopping around the corner to watch through the glass. Rollins stepped into the ring with the ADA.

"The only time he got to you was when he wasn't even tryin'," Fin said as he stood next to her. Olivia just continued to stare. "Liv," he continued when he saw that she wasn't responding. "I hate how Elliot left you, but I also know that you're at your best when you two are together. Don't shut him out forever."

At that, Fin walked away leaving Olivia to watch as Barba and Amanda attempted to grill Elliot.

"You were right, Mr. Stabler," Amanda said. "Autopsy puts the time of death around 8pm last night and you were found at Carlson's place at 11. So the only question we need you to answer is where you were at 8:00."

Elliot's eyes widened slowly and he looked toward the two-way mirror as if he were to meet eyes with someone on the other side.

"Somewhere you want to keep hidden from someone behind that glass?" Barba asked.

Elliot moved his eyes quickly back to his interrogators. "Um, no… No, it's fine. I, uh…" he cleared his throat. "Claire Goodman. I was at the apartment of Claire Goodman."

"Something tells me that's not your wife," Amanda badgered.

Elliot huffed with a shy smile. "No… I, uh… I've been divorced about two years. Claire is my girlfriend."


	3. Chapter 3

She loved his hard chest on her naked breasts. His hands squeezing her nipples. His large, hard member sliding in and out of her tight core. He always felt so good, and yet she couldn't focus tonight.

"You're so beautiful, Olivia," Ed whispered to her as he thrust deeper. He was hitting all the right spots, making her slick, but she couldn't get to where she needed to be with her stupid ex-partner on her mind—his arrest, his sadness, his daughter… his girlfriend?

His pace sped up. "Oh god, Olivia. I'm gonna come…"

"Come, baby," she encouraged. She wanted to please Ed, she really did. She wanted him to be satisfied with her body. He thrust a few more times before he spilled into her and crashed his weight on top of her.

She held him close, rubbing his strong back up and down and kissing his shoulder. She loved feeling him like this after sex. His head raised back. "You didn't…"

"It's okay," she ensured.

"No," he said. "Let me…" he started to move down her body but she picked his head back up.

"Ed, babe," she said. "This is the first time I haven't orgasmed during sex with you. You are so generous in bed and you satisfy me so well, but I'm just distracted tonight."

Ed rolled to the side of his girlfriend and Olivia turned to face him. Their hands interlocked between their bodies as they kissed and faced each other on their sides.

"Everything alright?" Ed asked. "Is it a case?"

She had been nervous her entire way home, debating what to tell him. Ed was always sensitive about Elliot and had a huge part in Elliot's "retirement" from the force.

"Yeah, um…" she sighed. "We've been trying to keep things under wraps so it doesn't get blown up in the media, but um… The suspect we had for the murder of the College Prof Rapist was, um… It was Elliot. His daughter was raped and Elliot was found at the scene of Carlson's death."

Ed threw his head back slightly at the name. "Stabler?" he asked.

Olivia nodded.

"Wow, okay." Ed let go of Olivia's hand and rolled onto his back. "You said _had_. Do you not have him anymore?"

"Alibi."

"I see. And was this… Is that the first time you've seen him since—"

"Yeah. It was."

"And his alibi checked out? The man does have an anger problem."

Olivia found herself feeling defensive of Elliot and had to tell herself to breathe and stay calm. "Even without the alibi, we didn't have enough to hold him. Elliot didn't do this."

"You said he was found at the murder scene."

"He was."

"Then how the hell don't you have enough to hold him? He's obviously the main suspect."

Olivia sat up in bed and looked around for a shirt. She needed space from Ed's questioning. She saw Ed's button-up and started to put it on. "He's not a cop anymore, Ed. You don't get to go all rat-squad on him this time." She found her panties and slipped them up her legs.

"Are there any other suspects or did you just let loose the one guy you suspect for murder?"

She stood and turned to him at the edge of the bed. "We let go the one suspect we had for killing a guy who raped young, smart, successful college professors, Ed! So whether or not it was Elliot, when we do find the guy who killed him, I'll be the first one to shake his hand."

Ed caught her before she stormed out the bedroom door, standing in front of her and holding her shoulders. "I'm sorry…" he said quickly, then paused. "God, I'm sorry, Olivia." He brushed her hair behind her ear. "You said Elliot's name and I just… I snapped. I'm sorry."

"Why do you hate him so much?" she asked, restraining tears as she did. She didn't know why she was feeling so emotional.

Ed laughed lightly. "You still don't get it?" he asked. "Look, Stabler's a good guy. I… It's jealousy, Olivia. Stabler… god, he makes me so goddam jealous and I'm sorry."

Olivia shook her head. "Elliot and I have never, ever been romantic, Ed."

Ed cocked his head and looked at her knowingly. "That doesn't mean he didn't know you more deeply than anyone else," he said, and suddenly she understood. She couldn't argue that. Elliot had parts of her no one did, and it ended up killing her when he left. "I've interviewed hundreds of cops, Olivia. You and Stabler would have gone to the grave for each other, and that's part of what made you great partners. But… there was always something else there. You can't tell me there wasn't. Everyone could see it."

He was right. And while she _could_ technically deny it, she didn't have the energy to do so right then, so she reached for his face and brought her lips to his. "Let's just go to bed," she said.

…

The phone buzzed around 2am. She was still awake with Ed sound asleep on the other side of the bed.

 _Meet me outside,_ the text read. She had deleted him from her phone years ago, but she knew the number by heart. She could try to convince herself not to go see him, but she knew she would lose the battle. She threw on a sweatshirt and jeans, checked in on Noah, and headed downstairs.

She sat down beside him on the steps of her apartment building and Elliot handed her a cup of coffee. It was reminiscent of their night all those years ago on his steps, the roles reversed. They sat next to each other for several minutes in silence and she was amazed at how much distance there was between them, and simultaneously no distance at all. It was like he had never left, but the pain of his departure was still so palpable.

"I would have done it, Liv," he finally said.

"I know. You already told me that."

"No," he said. He faced her, his expression more solemn and serious than she'd ever seen it. "Lewis."

Her eyes widened and her heart skipped in realization that he did, in fact, pick up on what she was telling him in the interrogation room.

"I would have killed him."

His stare was so intense she had to look away. She focused on the cup of coffee warming her hands.

"What happened with Lizzy was horrible," he said. "But when I found out what happened with… when you were taken… I was pissed that he was already in custody when I heard about it, Liv. I would have… You'd arrest me if I told you the things I thought about doing to that bastard."

She turned her head the complete opposite direction in case tears escaped, her emotions getting the best of her. "And yet…" she prepared to fire. "And yet you weren't there at all." She had so much to say to him, share with him, but she couldn't with such huge unknowns in the way.

When it was silent for a while, she turned back to see him staring at his own coffee cup.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I thought about it a thousand times. I tried to… I didn't know how to…"

"I know," Olivia said softly, causing him to whip his head in her direction.

"You do?"

She nodded and took a few beats to gather her thoughts before she spoke. "Elliot…"

"And here I thought you'd forgotten my first name."

She rolled her eyes with a smile, realizing she'd been using his last name all day to keep her distance. "Elliot," she started again. "Nothing had hurt me so badly at that point in my life as when you abandoned me," she said, and she hoped her choice of words pierced him. "But if you remember, I've done the same thing to you."

He huffed a small laugh and bobbed his head up and down. "Yeah, I remember. Twice in a short time frame, if I recall correctly."

"I knew back then that if I had approached you and told you I was leaving, we would have… I don't know… It would have been…" she struggled to find the words that weren't so forward.

"It was complicated," Elliot filled in for her, reminding her of her own excuse all those years ago.

"Yeah, it was complicated. And we only grew closer when I came back from Oregon, and more still even after you went back to Kathy. So, when you left, as much as it killed me, I understood. _But_ …"

"But?"

"Even when I went to computer crimes, I did come back to see you and talk to you. I worried about you. But you… you vanished Elliot."

"I know, I'm sorry. Between you and…" his voice became quieter and she could hear the shame in his tone. "I had to find out if my marriage was still worth saving, and that meant…"

"I know. And I respect that. But it didn't make it hurt any less."

"I've missed you, Liv," Elliot confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. "Seeing you today, even under the circumstances… I don't know. It's like this huge puzzle piece was lost and you put it back into place."

He had never been so blunt with her about their relationship, their dependency on one another. They both always knew it, but it wasn't spoken. She knew what he meant—something fell into place when she walked into that interrogation room and he heard her nickname spill out from his lips, but she wasn't ready to jump back into that place with him yet. Too much had happened, so she just nodded and looked down at her coffee.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me most," Elliot said.

She knew that he probably had questions, but she didn't want to talk about Lewis. So she smiled and grabbed his hand to squeeze it, letting him know that it was okay.

"I thought about coming up to your apartment and knocking, but I didn't want to wake your kid up," Elliot said.

She pulled her hand away again as she remembered Ed Tucker in her bed, but then she focused on Noah and a genuine smile took residence on her face. "His name is Noah. He's the best," Olivia said. "In fact, I should probably get back to him." She stood from her spot on the stoop.

"I'd love to meet him sometime," Elliot suggested as he stood with her.

"El… we couldn't hold you, but you're still under investigation. We can't be doing this."

Elliot nodded in understanding.

"Good night, El," Olivia said as she turned to her apartment building. But Elliot's hand snatched hers and whipped her back around, slamming her body into his. His chest and abdomen were even more toned against her torso than she remembered. His strong arms held her safely around her shoulders. She breathed his familiar scent, and melted into him as she exhaled. It felt right to embrace his frame and rest her head on his shoulder. It was sweet, intimate, and made up for five years of absence. His hand slid up to the back of her head when they pulled back, only far enough to rest their foreheads against one another's. They stayed this way for a while, and Olivia wondered if Elliot was restraining himself from kissing her as much as she was. She wondered if he had to restrain himself as much as she did for twelve years.

"Good night, Liv," Elliot whispered, and let her go moments later, her heart aching for him to stay in that moment. But she gathered her wits about her and found the strength to turn away from him and go back to her apartment, check on her son, and slip back into bed next to the man with whom she was sharing it.

She checked her phone again and saw four missed calls from Fin.

 _You called?_ She texted.

 _Rape kit came back negative for DNA,_ Fin replied. _But video surveillance puts Brad Carlson at a little league baseball game at the time of the rape. He couldn't have raped Lizzy._

Olivia felt sick to her stomach. _Shit. So, an innocent man was murdered for a crime he didn't commit and the real rapist is still out there,_ Oliva sent back.

 _Right. One other thing,_ Fin said. _Another man on the suspect list was found dead tonight. Elliot will need to come back in tomorrow for questioning._

Olivia dropped her head to her pillow. This was going to be a long case.


	4. Chapter 4

"We're back to square one," Olivia said to the team. Elizabeth Stabler's rapist was not Brad Carlson and another suspect on our list, Ross Rinato, was murdered last night, another stabbing in his apartments." She stood in front of a screen that displayed pictures of Lizzy, Rinato, and Carlson.

"Great, so we have rape suspects becoming murder victims and a serial killing vigilante on the loose," Carisi noted.

"Where do we even start?" Amanda asked.

"We start by researching our other suspects," Olivia answered. She tapped a keyboard and a list of five other suspects appeared on the screen. "We've got to find this guy quickly. I don't know if we should be worried about more rapes or more murders at this point."

"THE HELL AM I DOIN' HERE? I WAS CLEARED!"

She would recognize the angry Brooklyn accent anywhere. Elliot was being escorted by uni's into the precinct. She stepped away from the meeting to explain what was happening.

"Elliot…"

"Olivia!" he growled. His face was beat red. "Tell these scum bags I was cleared of these charges!"

"Elliot, calm down."

"No! Not until you tell them to let me go!"

Olivia took a breath and suppressed a smirk. The moment reminded her of the hundreds of times she had to calm Elliot down when he got into fits of rage. She turned to the uni's who had cuffed him to bring him in. "Guys, it's okay, uncuff him. I'll take it from here."

The cops removed the handcuffs and Elliot snatched his arms away as soon as he was able.

"Thank you," Elliot said, his voice still forceful.

"You can't leave though, Elliot," Olivia said.

Elliot's face contorted as he looked at her in shock. "Why the hell not?"

"There have been some new developments," she explained. "Come talk to me in my office, okay?"

She could tell he was still furious and confused, but he nodded his head with a clenched jaw and followed Olivia. She shut the door behind them after letting him into the office.

Elliot was rubbing his wrists from where he was cuffed as he looked around the room. "Wow," he said. "I mean I knew you were captain now but this is surreal."

Olivia smiled as she walked past him to her desk. "Yeah, tell me about it," she chuckled. "I still feel like I'm faking it. And I'm realizing how big a pain in Cragen's ass you and I were."

Elliot laughed and sat across from her. "We got away with way too much, that's for sure. It's a wonder how he never forced us to split up."

Olivia shrugged playfully. "He didn't want to do without us! We were the best!"

He met Olivia's eyes, loving the easy banter. "Maybe we still would be if it wasn't for Tucker and his rat squad," he said quietly.

Olivia's face fell immediately and she could tell that Elliot noticed. She looked around her desk for a distraction before remembering the reason she brought him in.

"El, um… Elliot," the nick name slipped out so easily, but as soon as it did, she felt she wasn't ready for it. "Brad Carlson didn't rape Lizzy."

Elliot's back straightened and his vision focused as he listened.

"His wife alibied him and our detectives found surveillance of him at a little league game at the time of the rape."

"Lizzy saw him…" he began.

"And you know how unreliable a quick glance can be in the middle of a trauma," she reminded him.

Elliot inhaled deeply and rubbed his hand over his face.

"There's more…" Olivia said.

He looked back at her. "Great," he said sarcastically.

"Another man on the suspect list for the College Prof Rapist was murdered last night."

After a beat, Elliot caught on. He leaned forward. "You can't possibly think that I did this."

Olivia closed her eyes briefly before addressing him again. "Me? No," she said. "But you know how these things go. You're still the only lead we have. You were found at the scene of the first murder and honestly, your alibi wasn't _that_ solid."

"So, what do I need to do, Liv?"

"I need to know where you were yesterday between leaving the precinct and coming to my apartment."

"Do you have enough evidence to hold me?"

Olivia eyed him, wondering what game he was trying to play. "Yes," she lied.

Elliot smirked and Olivia knew he was calling her bluff. "No, you don't. And it's a good thing because I don't have an alibi. I was at my apartment alone."

"Your girlfriend wasn't there?" The question flew out of her mouth more aggressively than she meant for it to. "I mean, she can't alibi you?" she added, trying to cover up her previous tone.

"No," he answered simply.

Oliva looked past Elliot and noticed Fin and Amanda watching them through the window. Once they met eyes with her they quickly looked away. Olivia stood and went to the other side of the office, turned the blinds so they closed.

"Look, Elliot, I can't help you here if you don't help yourself. Throw me a bone. Give me something that can officially clear you. You're our only suspect right now."

Elliot stood and walked toward her. "I don't know what you want me to say, Liv. I didn't do this. _You know_ I didn't."

"I do know that. But you've got to help me out here."

Elliot sighed. "What time was this guy murdered?"

"Around 1am."

He eyed her curiously. "I was at your place by 2. Did I seem disheveled, distracted? Anything suggestive of having just killed a man an hour earlier?"

"No, but…"

"Did you tell them I was with you at 2am?"

"That's not when the murder occurred," Olivia argued

"But it's close." He stepped closer as he spoke, leaving a mere foot between them.

Olivia huffed in frustration. "No. I didn't tell them you came to my apartment."

"Why not?" he asked, his voice low.

"It looks suspicious."

"For two old friends to catch up?" he asked. He was leaning in now, his arm resting on the wall behind her, he was practically towering over her. When she didn't have an answer, he continued. "Who is it that you don't want to find out?" he asked. "Who would be upset with you for spending time with me?"

His closeness brought back a million memories of tension and protection. She could practically taste his breath as he spoke and she wished she could take more of his breath through his lips. She swallowed and straightened up before taking a step to the side, a little further away.

"It looks suspicious for the captain of a precinct to be meeting with a suspect at 2am, Elliot… Look. It's not that big a deal," she said. "I'll tell them now, if I need to. You know I like to keep my personal life personal. That's all it was."

He nodded lightly and they stared at one another for a few more moments before she came to her senses. "You're free to go," she said, opening the door without losing eye contact. The opened door made her feel a little safer from her own thoughts and from the residual sexual tension from years past. "I'll walk you out."

They walked through the precinct and Fin caught Olivia's eye, raising his eyebrows in a silent question of _did you get anything?_ Olivia oscillated her head subtly to tell him _no._ She then noticed William Dodds at the meeting table and couldn't help but to roll her eyes. She turned her focus in front of her just in time to avoid slamming her body into Elliot's.

"Shit, El!" she said as she put her hands out to stop from running into his back.

He chuckled. "Good to know you still use my nick name when you curse," he joked. He pointed to the board. "Those are the suspects?" he asked.

"Yes, now let's go," she said.

But Elliot was already making his way toward the board. He stood in front of it, hands on his hips as he read the names.

"Damn, if this isn't déjà vu I don't know what is," Fin commented.

"Elliot, come on, you need to go so we can work," Olivia implored.

"Shane Mills," Elliot said as he pointed to the name. "We know this guy, Liv."

"Who are you?" Dodds asked.

Elliot turned to the Chief. "Elliot Stabler," he said, taking the man's hand to shake it. "Retired SVU detective of fourteen years, twelve of those were partnered with Lieutenant Benson."

Olivia rolled her eyes. _Of course he'd only call me Lieutenant when he's sucking up,_ she thought.

"I see," Dodds said. "And you remember this suspect?"

"Yeah. Shane Mills. It was… 2007 or 2008? He was a teenaged sex addict," Elliot explained.

Olivia's eyes narrowed as she remembered the case. "God, you're right. I can't believe I didn't put that together," Olivia said. She stepped up to the screen and typed his name on the keyboard. "He's on the suspect list because a bystander saw him leaving a classroom around the time of one of the rapes, but he has no record. How is that possible?"

Elliot stepped up next to her. "Because Novak cut him a deal if he did probation and stayed on his meds. His record was expunged."

Olivia's eyes widened. "But he's back at it. It all fits. It makes sense."

"You two want to fill us in?" Amanda asked.

The partners turned back to the team. "Shane Mills pled guilty to raping his teacher when he was fifteen years old," Elliot said.

"But his defense said that he was a sex addict. That combined with the fact that his age didn't allow for a fully-developed prefrontal cortex, and therefore no impulse control, led to a deal that eventually got Shane's record expunged. He could be off his meds and showing that he still has a thing for teachers."

"And who better to lead the case than the two detectives who handled it back then?" Dodds cheerfully added. "Good work detective."

"Oh, no sir," Olivia cut in. "Elliot retired five years ago, I don't think—"

"Nonsense!" Dodds said. "Cops return all the time when their cases are reopened. Why should this be any different? What do you say Detective Stabler?"

Elliot stood with a scheming smile, one he knew would drive Olivia crazy. "Nothing would make me happier, Chief," he decided.

"Wonderful," Dodds said. "Lieutenant, find Elliot a shield and I will have him temporarily reinstated by this afternoon. Now get to work."

Olivia was at a loss for words as she watched Chief Dodds leave the bullpen.


	5. Chapter 5

They were quiet on the car ride to Mill's listed residence. Olivia wasn't sure if she should be mad, annoyed, or excited. All of the emotions just made her nervous.

"You know, if you told Dodds that your daughter was one of the victims he'd never have allowed this," Olivia said to break the silence. "You could have said something."

"So could you," Elliot fired back simply.

Olivia continued to watch the road, tapping the steering wheel.

"Come on, Liv, admit it. It felt good to bounce off each other in there and figure out a case. It was like I never left. You know that nobody works better together than you and me. If anyone is going to find the prick that raped my Lizzy, it has to be Benson and Stabler."

She couldn't disagree, but she wasn't going to let him know that. She remained silent. She still felt the need to stay guarded, like he could turn her life upside down again at any moment. She didn't want to get too attached, but it was difficult not to. Being with Elliot was so… _easy_.

"Liv," Elliot began, lowering his voice like he was about to tell her a secret. "I don't know how else to apologize."

She glanced at him briefly and sighed before turning back to the road. "I don't need you to apologize again, Elliot," she explained. "I just…"

"You need time?"

She nodded. "Yeah… I guess."

Elliot nodded and his lips curved into a mischievous smile. "Well, I just hope all this time hasn't put a damper on our long-lasting sexual tension," he said as if it was the most casual thing in the world.

Olivia's jaw dropped and she turned completely toward him for the first time since they'd been in the car. "Excuse me?" she asked.

Elliot was laughing at her reaction. "Oh don't play naive, Liv!"

"Um… I'm _not…_ But in twelve years of sexual tension it was never once addressed, so forgive me if I'm a little shocked!"

"Wrong," Elliot said. "It was addressed after Gitano when you left for Computer Crimes and it was addressed five years ago when I couldn't say goodbye to you."

"Okay, it was never address _out loud,_ " Olivia corrected. Elliot continued to laugh as he watched the people he passed through the window.

Olivia tapped the steering wheel again. "Kathy confronted me about it once," she said. She saw Elliot's face turn to her in her peripheral vision. "Said she worried that you would rather spend time at work with me than at home."

Elliot focused on the people outside again and shrugged his shoulders. "Sometimes I did," he said.

"I know," Olivia replied. She couldn't help the small smile that formed on her lips. The topic of conversation something she never thought they would address. It was funny to her. They both knew that the sexual tension was no secret, but they never dared mention anything at the time. "But hell if I was going to tell her that. You're an idiot," she added.

They pulled up to Mills' apartment complex and got out of the car. It was so natural to them that they didn't even notice it, but anyone else would have seen that the detectives' steps were perfectly in sync as they walked.

…

Olivia let out an exasperated breath and rubbed her neck to relieve the tension. She and Elliot sat at her desk. The rest of the precinct was empty. "His apartment is cleared out, his probation record was perfect, no other criminal activity, family says they haven't seen him… I don't know where else to look for this guy."

Elliot finished his last bite of takeout and set the box down on Olivia's desk. "It's like he just went cold-turkey off his meds one day and started raping again," he said.

"Or it wasn't him," Olivia suggested.

Elliot shook his head. "No… I have a feeling about this guy Liv."

She rubbed her neck again. "Yeah, I know… Me too, but we can't just close off other options."

Elliot stood from his seat and moved around the desk. "Got a knot?" he asked.

Olivia's heart skipped a beat. They used to do this all the time as partners, but back then they were so used to suppressing their feelings that they could be that close and not act. Things felt different now for some reason. "No no… It's fine."

"It's not fine," Elliot said. "Let me rub it out for you." He was already behind her chair and she gave in, needing the tension in her neck released.

He moved her hair to the side. The tips of his fingers brushed her neck so lightly that she broke out in goosebumps. He smoothed his palms up her arms and squeezed firmly when she got to her shoulders. Her eyes fluttered closed at the contact, but she suppressed a moan.

"God, you're so tense, Liv," Elliot said as he started working her shoulders and moved to her neck. "Is it the job or that little boy of yours?"

Olivia let out a breathy laugh as she let her head fall forward so he could massage her neck more thoroughly. "Probably both," she said. "He's into everything now. It's terrifying."

Elliot laughed. "I remember that age. It _is_ scary, but they're also the sweetest and funniest at that age."

"Mmmmm," Olivia moaned as he hit a particularly good spot. "Mmhm," she covered it with. "He's hilarious."

Elliot continued to rub her neck, but she felt his head come closer to hers. Suddenly he was right next to her ear and she found herself breathing more deeply.

Olivia's eyes widened at his proxmity and she felt a rush of tightness in her core. She needed to stop this now. What was he doing? But her eyes fell shut again when he released his thumb from a knot in the side of her neck, and replaced it with a light peck of his lips.

She shuddered. "El…" Olivia whispered so quietly she could barely hear herself. _Just tell him to stop,_ she thought.

"Yeah," he breathed out in a voice so low she swore she felt it vibrate her seat. His lips met the nape of her neck once more and his hands slid down her arms. She sucked in a breath and opened her eyes, hoping it would give her more focus. That's when she saw Tucker walk into the precinct through the window.

"Shit." Olivia jerked up and stood. "Sit back where you were," she demanded as she walked to the office door, slickness evident in her panties as she went.

"Okay…" Elliot said.

Olivia walked out of her office, shut the door and met Ed before he could get there. "Hey babe!" she said cheerfully.

"Hey, I hadn't heard from you, so I assumed you were having a late night," Ed told her as he walked up to her. He reached an arm out to grab her waist and pull her in for a kiss, but Olivia side stepped and reached for some papers on Fin's desk, acting like she didn't see the gesture. She pretended to tidy up his desk. She normally loved his affection, but she knew Elliot was watching and she wasn't ready for him to know she was dating Tucker. Not yet.

"Yeah, I'm sorry," she said. "We ran into some dead ends with our lead."

Tucker nodded his understanding.

"Listen," Olivia said. "I need to tell you something." She tried to remain at a respectable distance so Elliot wouldn't suspect anything.

"What is it?" Tucker asked.

"Well, Dodds was here earlier and… some things happened, and uh… he… Dodds temporarily reinstated Elliot to work this case."

Tucker's head fell back slightly as his eyes widened. He looked toward her office. Through the window, Elliot was leaning forward in his chair, watching the interaction take place. He didn't even flinch when Tucker met his glare. "Jesus, Olivia…" Tucker said. He turned back and started walking toward the exit.

"Ed?" Olivia called, walking after him. "Ed, stop. Just talk to me."

They were in the hallway to the elevators now, out of Elliot's sight. "Did you set this up? So you could work with him?" Ed asked as he whipped back around. "You two, alone late at night, just like old times?"

"No!" she answered. "I had nothing to do with it. Elliot recognized a suspect's name when he was here for questioning. It was a perp we had years ago who fits the profile of our rapist. Dodds was there and he was impressed with Elliot and he asked him to work the case."

"And after everything last night, you didn't think I'd want to know about this?" Ed seethed.

Olivia cursed herself. She had already been suppressing images of fucking Elliot all day and had internally decided to fuck it out with Ed later, but now Ed's anger was turning her on even more. There's something seriously wrong with her, she thought.

"I did think of it, Ed," she assured him, "but I thought it would be better to talk in person than to explain through a text."

Ed rolled his eyes and shook his head.

Olivia paced a few steps and pressed the elevator button.

"What are you doing?" Tucker asked.

"Com'ere," Olivia said. She took his hand as the elevator door opened and pulled him in. When the door shut, she grabbed him by his blazer and pulled him in for a heated kiss.

"Olivia, you don't have to—"

She shut him up with another kiss, then rested her head on his forehead. She really did love Ed. He was caring, strong, angry, and faithful. She wanted things to work out with him. She couldn't help that she was turned on by Elliot, but she would use it to her advantage right now to make things right.

She reached down and unbuttoned her slacks.

"Olivia, we can't do this here."

She took his hand in hers. "Shut up, Ed." She kissed him again, then let her lips linger centimeters away from his as she guided his hand down her slacks and into her wet panties. "Seeing you get all worked up and jealous?" she said. "This is what it does to me." A half-lie. Most of her wetness was Elliot's doing, but she didn't' want to lose Ed. She pushed his hand down and his middle finger slipped into her wet folds. Tucker groaned. His finger traced her slit twice, then he pushed her back into the wall of the elevator aggressively. She took his head in her hands and moaned as he touched her. "I only want you, Ed, I swear." Another lie—one she might also be trying to tell herself.

Ed dipped his hand in deeper, penetrating her with two fingers as she gasped for air. He stared into her eyes with a dangerous glare. "When you're with him," Ed growled. He pumped his fingers in and out of her, his thumb pressing circles into her clit, making her moan. "Remember this…" he said. "Remember that it's my fingers you go home to at night." Olivia was so fucking turned on by his aggressiveness and jealously. He talked dirty every once in a while, and she loved it. She thought she was going to come in seconds. "Remember my tongue tasting you, licking you clean until you scream my name. Remember my thick, hard, long cock sliding in and out of you, and my body pounding into you, making you come over and over… I'll mark my territory if I have to, Liv… Fuck you on every inch of that office."

"Oh god, Ed…" Olivia moaned.

"Come Olivia. Come on my hand."

"Fuck! Fuck! Yes! I'm coming!" Olivia gasped as her walls contracted and she held onto Ed's shoulders, holding herself up as she came.

Her breathing slowed and Ed removed his hand. She rebuttoned herself and smirked as Ed licked his hand of her juices.

Ed stepped away from her and opened the door to the elevator to let her out. "I'll see you tomorrow," he said.

…

"Is IAB here because of me?" Elliot asked when Olivia returned.

"Ah, no. No…" she answered. "E—uh, Tucker was here for something… unrelated."

"You okay?" Elliot asked, standing to check on her. "You seem flustered or something."

She stepped back when he stepped forward. Something about having just come in her pants at the hand of another man made her want to keep her distance. "Yeah, I'm fine. I think we should call it a night."

"Yeah. Yeah, okay."

And even though the tension went further than it ever had in their relationship, they treated that moment like they always had—silently.

"Can I give you a ride home?" Elliot asked.

"No thanks, I think I'll walk."

"It's the middle of the night, Liv."

Olivia's mouth curved into a half-smile. "I'm a cop, El."

He nodded. "Okay. See you tomorrow."

As soon as Elliot drove away, Olivia hailed a cab and headed to her apartment, her mind running in circles the whole ride home.


	6. Chapter 6

"It's dead end after dead end after dead end!" Elliot exclaimed, slamming the phone down on the receiver. He and Olivia never talked about the small kisses that still burned Olivia's neck from the night before. As usual, they ignored anything between them and jumped into their work.

Olivia dropped her head into her hands on her desk. "God, I know. This is miserable. We're getting nowhere. I'm so sorry Elliot. I know how frustrating this is for you."

Elliot paced over to the couch in her office and plopped down when Fin walked in.

"This would be a great time for some good news," Olivia said to Fin.

Fin shook his head. "Sorry. We have vice stationed at every college campus in the area, but no new leads."

"This wasn't supposed to happen," Elliot said from the couch, his gaze was far away, like he was in a fog. "I was an SVU detective for fourteen years. How did this happen to _my_ kid?"

"Hey man," Fin said. "You can't put that on yourself."

"This wasn't your fault, Elliot," Olivia added. "You know that. You couldn't have kept Lizzy locked away in your house forever even if you tried."

Elliot let out a humorless laugh and agreed with a nod.

"Look," Fin said. "It's 8pm and we've worked a 14 hour day. Let's take a break and all go get a drink down the street."

Olivia smiled at her friend. "You know, Fin, I think you're right. We could all use a break and relax."

…

"She was sassy but she was one of our favorites to work with!" Fin said a few hours later. "You know, after we found out that she wasn't a white supremacist…"

"Favorites?" Elliot asked after he practically choked on his beer. "I ended up hospitalized every time that woman showed up!"

They all laughed: Elliot, Olivia, Fin, Carisi, and Amanda. Olivia chimed in. "Well, to be fair, you ended up in the hospital quite a bit. Dana just happened to be around for a few of them!"

"Get yourself into trouble often Detective Stabler?" Amanda asked. She was leaning in and Olivia knew she didn't mean anything by it, but a pang of jealousy stabbed her gut to think she was flirting.

"Oh yeah," Fin said, laughing. "One time we even thought he was for sure a dead man! That time Liv practically blew his cover!"

Olivia's mind flashed to the face of Bushido when she came out of that bathroom. It made her heart race, just the memory of the fear that surged through her that night. "Oh god, don't remind me," she said.

"I don't think I ever heard how you got out of that one!" Fin added, speaking to Olivia.

Her eyes met Elliot's and she hid her shyness when she looked away. Her mind flashed through memories of that night- the feeling if his skin against hers, his eyes on her chest, her hands on his naked flesh.

"If I told you I'd have to kill you," Olivia joked as she downed the last sip of her whisky. She thought about ordering another, but she was sure that was her fourth tonight. How long had they been there?

"Tell us another one!" Carisi exclaimed.

Fin started speaking again as Elliot stood. He walked around Amanda and grabbed Olivia's empty glass. "I'll buy you another drink," he said to her. "Come with me?"

Olivia looked up at him, then around to her friends. "We're going to buy another round," she excused.

They walked to the bar and ordered their drinks. "You have a great crew," Elliot said.

"Yeah, I do," Olivia replied, smiling back at the table they just abandoned.

They stood silently at the bar for a moment. They never made eye contact, but they breathed into each other's space, felt each other's presence.

"I miss this," Elliot said.

"Yeah."

"We have gotten so smashed in this bar over the years."

It made Olivia laugh. "Well, we've had a lot of things to cope with," she added.

"Remember that time Fin and Munch argued over the spelling of a victim's name for two hours?"

"The time Cragen called us in when we were six shots deep and we had to confess to him that we were drunk like some high school teenagers getting caught by their parents!"

"All the worthless coworkers we've drunkenly bitched about."

"Ha! God we were horrible."

Olivia smiled at the memories. Those were good times. Her thirties were full of carefree nights at the bar. As they got older it became less and less, but they always had the occasional bar break. Fin made sure of it.

The conversation paused as they laughed, but Olivia felt a shift in Elliot's mood as he leaned in a little closer. It made her nervous. She breathed more deeply.

"I still think about that night," Elliot said.

"El—" she knew immediately that he was referring to Bushido.

"Tell me you don't." He stepped in closer, and although she was still facing the bar instead of him, the distance between them was almost nonexistent. Again, this is something they did back when they were partners. They had a comfort in their closeness and could cross certain personal-space lines without acknowledging it, but something shifted when Elliot came back into her life.

She closed her eyes briefly as his hand landed on her hip. "El… what are you doing?" she whispered.

"Thinking about that night," he said. She could tell he was speaking with a smirk. "How beautiful you are."

She finally turned to look at him and her heart beat more quickly when she realized how close he was. "More beautiful than Claire?" she fired sharply.

Elliot's eyes narrowed, but he didn't move his hand from her hip. Instead, his thumb gently caressed the spot. "Claire has nothing on you, Liv. And she's not anything serious."

"Elliot, we don't do this," she said as their drinks were placed in front of them.

Elliot removed his hand from her and took the drinks from the bar. "No, we _didn't_ do this," he said. As he started walking back to the table he added, "and we were idiots."

…

"How bout that 28 year old woman posing as a 16 year old high school girl?" Fin said.

"Or the woman with five personalities who ended up just being a good actress?" Olivia said.

"I've got the winner," Elliot said. "One word: Stuckey."

"STUCKEY!" Olivia and Fin sang simultaneously.

"God, that was one unexpected twist," Olivia said. She turned to the younger detectives. "We had this kid working as a tech in the lab."

"He sucked," Elliot inserted.

"And _that attitude_ is why he turned on us and started murdering people!" Olivia said.

"Yeah, he held Elliot hostage and slashed his chest," Fin said, laughing at Elliot's expense.

Elliot nodded. "Yep. Liv had to make out with the guy to keep him from killing me."

Everyone turned to Olivia at the comment. She shrugged. "Gotta know which weapons are most effective!" she joked.

"Remember the impersonator who could do pretty much any voice?" asked Fin.

"Man, if that guy put half his energy into the entertainment industry as he did tricking men into assaulting women, he could have been famous. You should have heard how many different voices he could do!" Elliot said to the newbies.

"He was insanely smart, too!" Olivia added.

" _Insane_ being the key word there," said Fin.

Olivia was quiet for the rest of the evening, letting the warmth of each drink consume her as her mind wandered to all the times she and Elliot were too close over the years. Eventually their relationship was a marriage without the sex, but damned if she hadn't wanted it. And damned if there weren't times where she was afraid it would happen. There were heated fights, intimate conversations, shared looks, shared hotel rooms, silent conversations with silent dual knowledge, sad smiles that said, 'I know, I want you too.' And now he opened those silent gates up and suddenly what was never to be explored is free for the taking in Elliot's book. She watched him in the bar as he told story after story, capturing the attention of everyone around her. She thought back to his lips on her neck—that daring move he took just last night. She thought of the dozens of times she'd seen him practically naked, the confidence in his hard body. She struggled to keep her eyes from closing so she could imagine herself up against him again, stealing the sensation from her memories of that one night. She imagined what it would feel like if he had taken her, bedded her, pulled her bra down to feel her nipples against his skin.

"Liv!" Amanda shook her shoulder to knock her out of her daze.

"Yeah! Sorry, what's up?"

"Carisi and I are heading out, we'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. Be safe. Thanks for all your hard work today, detective," Olivia said as she pulled Amanda in for a hug. "You too, Carisi."

They said their goodbyes and Fin closed his own tab and departed minutes after.

"And then there were two," Elliot noted.

Olivia looked at her watch, knowing Lucy was fine at her apartment with Noah, but alone time with Elliot was scaring her more and more. "I should get going, actually. My babysitter needs to be relieved."

She stood from her seat and gathered her things as Elliot appeared next to her. He placed his hand on her forearm. "Let me take you home," he said

She took a deep breath. "I don't know, Elliot… It's not the best idea." Her eyes turned upward to meet his and she waited for his response.

"Why not?" he said, stepping in closer and moving his arm to wrap it around her waist. Between the alcohol and the feelings fluttering around her chest, she felt powerless to stop whatever was happening between them, what she'd wanted to happen for longer than she cared to say.

Her hand slipped between them to his chest and she rested it there, taking in the moment. She closed her eyes and shook her head slowly. "I… I'm sorry, El… I just…"

"What is it, Liv?" he whispered. "Why is this a bad idea? Look at me and tell me you don't want this. Look at me and tell me you haven't always wanted this for us. God, let's just stop fighting it."

She opened her eyes again slowly and her heart swelled to see the seriousness of his face in connection to his words.

"I'm seeing someone," she confessed.

Elliot's eyes widened softly at the revelation but he didn't move. So, Olivia took it upon herself to step back to a safer distance. She couldn't imagine what Ed would do if he walked in right now to see them like that.

"So am I," Elliot said.

She nodded. "I know, but this isn't just casual, Elliot. I'm serious about this guy. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Elliot replied. "I'm happy for you." Olivia tilted her head in disbelief and Elliot smiled. "I _want you_ to be happy," he corrected. "Is it anyone I know?"

Olivia tightened her lips and she remained silent. She just couldn't bring herself to tell him.

"I'll take that as a yes," Elliot said.

Even as she considered coming clean about Ed, she remembered every past relationship she had, every one-night-stand, every guy that even remotely had a chance. They were all sabotaged by the love she had for her partner and the jealousy she'd never admit she enjoyed provoking in him. She couldn't let him continue to have that hold on her life. She moved on. She couldn't backtrack now.

She grabbed her things and met his eyes one more time. "Good night, El."


	7. Chapter 7

"I know this is very hard for you," Olivia said to Melissa, another victim, "but if there's anything you can tell us about the man who raped you it will help us find him."

Melissa dried her tears with the sleeve of her shirt and sucked in a breath through her nose. "I don't know," she said. "He was behind me, I didn't see him."

"Was he taller than you?" Elliot asked.

Melissa furrowed her brows in thought. "Yeah… yeah he was. But not by much. His head was close to mine."

"Did he say anything to you?" Olivia asked.

"Just… just that he wanted to play teacher, then he pulled on my pants hard and pushed me over the desk."

"Okay, thank you Melissa, that's really helpful," Olivia encouraged. "Is there anything else you can think of?"

Melissa bit her lip in thought. "No… No I can't think of anything else, I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about. We're sorry this happened to you," Elliot assured her.

"How is it that we have cops stationed on every college campus in the city and this shithead is still getting away with rape?" Elliot asked once Melissa was escorted out of the precinct.

Elliot and Olivia walked back to her office as they spoke. "He must blend in. He probably looks like a student," Olivia pointed out. "Lizzy even said he was wearing a hoodie. He's got to be someone that wouldn't stand out."

"I still think this is Mills. He's young enough to dress up in a hoodie and be confused for a college student."

"I don't disagree," Olivia said. "But where is he?"

Elliot stopped walking once they entered the office and exhaled harshly as he ran his hand down his face. Olivia turned to him when she noticed and took his hand, giving it a squeeze as she held onto it. "I'm sorry, El," she said softly. He met her eyes as he allowed himself to squeeze her hand back. "We'll get him. I don't care what it takes. We're going to find this bastard."

They kept their hands locked tightly as she reveled in that familiar stare they'd perfected in their twelve-year partnership: the one that said so much without saying anything; the stare of mutual love, friendship, affection, and protection; the most comfortable and simultaneously uncomfortable stare she'd ever known.

"Uh, sorry to interrupt," Amanda said. Olivia pulled her hand away quickly and shook her head as if to say _you're not interrupting anything!_ But Amanda continued, "I can tell him you're unavailable if you want, but, um," she looked directly at Olivia and she could tell the detective was purposely formalizing the name, " _Lieutenant Tucker_ is on the phone."

Olivia's eyes widened as she realized Amanda thought something might be going on between her and Elliot. "Oh, no that's no problem!" Olivia said quickly. "Patch him through to my phone and I'll take it in here." Amanda nodded and went back to her desk.

"IAB sure does seem to be around here quite a bit lately," Elliot noted as Olivia walked over to her desk.

Olivia knew he'd be suspicious, but there was no other way to handle this. "El, give me a few minutes alone please? I need to take this call."

"I can't be here to listen to you tear apart the rat squad?"

Olivia's gaze went unaltered. "Just give me a few minutes. Please."

She waited as Elliot's eyebrows furrowed, then his head nodded slowly before he turned to leave, shutting the door behind him.

"Ed?" she said when she picked up the receiver.

His deep voice resonated in her ear. "I was thinking I'd cook for you and that boy of yours tonight," Tucker said. "Any objections to chicken marsala?"

Olivia couldn't help but to smile, but she spun her chair around to face the wall, knowing that Elliot might be watching her. She didn't want her expression to give her away.

"That sounds wonderful," she replied.

"Good," he said. "I miss you."

"I miss you too."

"Could we, uh…" Ed hesitated for a moment before he continued. "Could we keep business to a minimum? Maybe turn our phones off?"

A pang of guilt hit Olivia's chest. "God, I'm sorry, Ed. I know this case hasn't left much time for us…"

"It's okay, Liv. You know I understand. It's just a little different for me this time and I can't stop thinking about you."

She let out a breath and smiled again, lightly. "Well consider me all yours tonight," she said.

When she turned around and hung up, she saw Elliot leaning against the door frame, watching through the blinds of the closed door. Olivia rolled her eyes and waved him back in.

"Everything okay?" Elliot asked.

"Everything is fine, El. Nothing concerning you."

"Another case?"

"Elliot, stop."

It was another beat before he conceded. "Fine. Where were we on the case?"

…

"Goodnight, Champ," Ed said to Noah as he kissed his forehead. He stood and allowed Olivia to switch places with him on the edge of the bed.

She leaned down, rubbed his nose with hers, and gave him a sweet kiss goodnight. "I love you, my sweet boy. Sweet dreams."

"Love you Mama!" Noah replied.

Tucker and Olivia walked out of the boy's room and quietly shut the door. Olivia spent the evening watching Ed cook for her and her son, then watched as he played with toy cars on the floor and read Noah books before bed. He was so good to them and it was a turn on for her. She whirled around and started walking backwards down the hallway as they approached her bedroom and she unbuttoned the top buttons of Ed's shirt.

"Now for _your_ goodnight kiss…" she said, biting her bottom lip seductively.

Ed smiled and put his hands on Olivia's hips. "But I don't wanna go to bed," Tucker said, mocking Noah's usual argument.

They walked into Olivia's bedroom and Tucker closed the door, spun them around and pressed Olivia into it, pinning her between the door and his hard body. Olivia could already feel herself getting wet. "You don't, huh? Well then what did you want to do?" she asked with feigned innocence.

His shirt hit the floor and he whipped hers over her head. "I could think of a few things…" Tucker kissed Olivia lightly down her neck, towards her breasts as he worked her pants to the floor. "But I can't stay over tonight," he said between kisses. "Early interrogations in the morning."

"Well then let's make it a good one," Olivia said as she discarded her bra, then brought Ed up to her lips for a kiss. He turned them around again and pushed Olivia toward the bed, which she crawled back onto, displaying only a thin pair of lace panties.

Ed walked toward her as she crawled back. He unbuckled his belt and dropped his pants and underwear, revealing is hard erection. "Oh I think I can make it at least a good _two,_ " he said with a smirk.

Ed climbed on top of Olivia and kissed down her chest, pulling a nipple into his mouth and swirling his tongue around it as he removed her panties with one hand. He kissed lower as his hand slid back up her leg until his hand and mouth met at the same point.

Olivia shivered slightly in anticipation and felt herself get more aroused as he looked back up at her. She ran her fingers through his cropped hair lovingly as Ed pushed one leg open, then dipped his tongue into her folds.

"Oh god…" Olivia moaned as her head flew back against the pillow.

Ed pushed a finger into her entrance and played with her g-spot as he continued teasing her clit with his tongue. He swirled it around. When he put his lips over her and started sucking on her clit she brought both hands to his head. And when she closed her eyes, she imagined blue eyes looking back at her from between her legs, but they weren't Ed's…

"Shit!" Olivia whispered. She opened her eyes again to see Ed back in his position.

"Like that babe?" Ed asked, possibly thrown off as to whether the profanity was good or bad.

"So good, Ed. Don't stop…" she said.

Tucker went back to his job of licking and sucking and Olivia leaned back again, focusing on her boyfriend and ONLY her boyfriend's pleasurable skills.

Elliot popped back into her mind as soon as she closed her eyes, but when he did, she was so much closer to cumming that she didn't want to switch her focus.

"Yes!" Olivia breathed. "God, yes!"

The licking became faster, and she held onto Elliot's—no, Ed's cropped hair. _Fuck._ A hand reached up from below her and grabbed her breast, kneading and tweaking her nipple as the mouth down below became furiously hungry, lapping at her relentlessly. She lifted her hips and pushed herself harder onto his tongue as he ate her, sloppy noises driving her to the brink.

"Fuck! Oh god yes, don't stop, E—Ed! Yes! Yes!"

She spasmed and spilled her juices into his mouth, involuntarily squeezing her thighs around Ed's head as he continued to lick until she came back down from her orgasm.

Ed wiped his chin with a smirk on his face and crawled up to kiss her. "I love making you cum that hard," he said.

Olivia wasn't sure if it was just him or the image of Elliot, but she was going to tell herself it was Ed that just sent her into one of the best orgasms she's had in a while. Either way, he was being cocky. "Shut up and fuck me, Tucker," she said.

Tucker kissed her deeply, allowing her to taste herself on his tongue. "Yes ma'am…"

…

"I'm sorry I can't stay, Liv," Ed lamented as they lazily walked to the door hand-in-hand. "Even looking at you in that robe, your hair down and wavy like this," he reached out and touched her hair, "makes me want nothing more than to stay and hold you all night, but early mornings are just easier when I start at my place."

She rested her hand on his chest. "Babe, there's no need to apologize, really. You know I understand."

He smiled and opened the door to her apartment. "Okay."

She smiled back and leaned into him as they stood in the open doorway. "Thanks for dinner," she said, pecking his lips with her own. His hands held her waist as she pressed her body to him lovingly. "And for helping put Noah to bed."

"My pleasure," he said between kisses. "Thank _you_ for a wonderful night."

They gave their last, long kiss and Tucker turned to leave, but stopped abruptly, catching Olivia's attention before she went back into her apartment. She looked past her boyfriend and her heart dropped immediately to her stomach as she saw Elliot standing by the elevators in the hallway, his expression a look of defeat.


	8. Chapter 8

"El—"

Elliot was turning around to press the _down_ button for the elevator. His face morphing from defeat to anger. "Your phone was off, I was coming to update you on the case, sorry to interrupt."

Tucker turned back to Olivia and she could tell he was rethinking his decision to leave. Her eyes widened slightly at that realization and she shook her head. "No," she said. "Go, Ed." He paused at her request for a few moments before letting out a breath and nodding, then he turned for the stairs and disappeared.

Olivia walked up behind Elliot as he pushed the button several times, as if that would make the elevator come faster. "El… please just—"

"Shut up, Olivia."

Her immediate reaction was to get angry, fight back, but she knew why he was upset. She expected it. This is why she was hiding it from him in the first place. She sighed.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," she said quietly. "I just knew that you'd react… like this."

Elliot laughed humorlessly. "Why?" he asked forcefully. "Because you're fucking the guy who cost me my job? Our partnership? For Christ sake, Olivia, he had you arrested!"

"Will you come inside so we can talk?"

He pressed the button again. "Screw you."

Now he was pissing her off. She was trying to explain and be calm and rational but he wouldn't hear it. The elevator door finally opened and he stepped in. "Are you seriously walking away right now?" she asked.

He stayed silent and hit a button, she could only assume it was the _close door_ button.

"Fine," she said, her throat tightening and anxiety crawling into her chest at the thought of him leaving her again. The door started to close. "Do what you do best, Elliot. See you in another five years."

The door to the elevator closed and a small sob escaped her chest. She turned around and headed back to her apartment, her eyes brimming with tears.

But the elevator door opened once more and she whipped back around to see Elliot step out and stare at her, his eyes a little softer, but still hard and angry. He walked forward silently and she opened her front door for him as he walked through it.

"Can I get you anyth—"

"So this is why he's been at the precinct lately, calling you, talking to you… God it all makes sense now." Elliot ranted as he paced Olivia's living room. "How long?"

"What?" she was genuinely trying to catch up with his thought process.

"How long have you been fucking Tucker?"

"I'm not just _fucking_ him, Elliot, we're—"

"Not casual," he said, repeating her words from the other night at the bar. "You're serious about him… Yeah, I remember. And I'm still having a really fucking hard time believing it… Fucking the rat…"

She understood that he was venting, but Elliot was getting under her skin.

"He's not who you think he is, Elliot."

"Oh no?" he challenged. "How many times has he accused us of being dirty cops? Tried to separate us? _Succeeded?_ How long, Olivia? You wanted to talk, so answer me! How long have you been fucking Tucker?"

"A little over a year!" she finally answered.

He huffed and shook his head, hands on his hips. "Why in the hell would you even consider—"

"BECAUSE HE WAS THERE FOR ME!"

She finally snapped and Elliot's entire body stiffened as she regained her composure and walked toward him slowly.

"I have been through HELL, Elliot. And Ed Tucker, believe it or not, has been a fucking rock for me every goddam step of the way. Through Noah's adoption, multiple hostage situations, _new partners…_ " she dug deep. "He has _been there._ "

"He forced me into retirement, Liv!" She shook her head and huffed at his words. "He ruined our partnership!"

"But _YOU_ ruined our friendship!"

She knew she had the upper hand when she saw his loss for words. Who the hell did he think he was trying to blame Tucker for what _he_ ruined?

" _You_ are the one that chose to leave instead of jumping through IAB's hoops," Olivia choked out, desperately trying to hold onto anger instead of sadness. She willed her tears to stay behind her eyes. " _You_ are the one who left it to Cragen to tell your partner of _twelve years_ that you were retiring. And _you_ are the one who refused to pick up the goddam phone when I called you time and time again."

She saw Elliot's resolve visibly soften, his body relaxing and his eyes meeting hers in their stare and she knew he was starting to understand.

She paused for a moment and took a breath to calm herself down. When she spoke again, her voice was half the volume it was before, but still coarse with the tears she fought. "I _needed_ you," she said, surprised by her own vulnerability. "Before Tucker, before Lewis… I needed you, Elliot. You…" she shook her head in disbelief that she was actually having this conversation with him. She was so used to them expressing their feelings lightly, or in a dark car where they could at least feel hidden. And never were those feelings about their own friendship. "God, you broke me, Elliot."

"Liv, I—"

"I don't want your apology, Elliot, I know you're sorry. I'm just trying to explain." He closed his mouth and nodded, then she followed him as he sat down on her couch. Once seated she continued after another deep breath. "I'm not trying to punish you by telling you this, but you need to know… I wasn't okay when you left. I was lost, angry… I…" she was embarrassed to admit it. "I couldn't sleep… I wasn't sure who I was without you in my life. And it took me a while but I moved on, I figured it out, I met men and learned to trust them like I could you. I didn't start seeing him to spite you. I was just surprised as you are that Ed and I hit it off, but we did… and he loves me and my son well. He's loyal, faithful, and he doesn't hurt me. He's good for me, El."

Elliot audibly sighed as his chest relaxed.

"When you came back…" Olivia continued, "I knew that my relationship with him would hurt you because of how you left… How everything happened… I hadn't really thought about it until then, and I was scared of how you'd react. But I shouldn't have kept it from you. I really am sorry."

"I get it," he said plainly. "You're happy? With Tucker. He makes you happy?"

She was—she is. She's been happy with Tucker. But Elliot's return brought so much confusion with it. "Yes," she decided that answer was easiest on everyone. "Ed makes me happy."

"Okay," he said.

Olivia's hand absentmindedly landed on his knee. "Okay?" she repeated.

He nodded. "I can't say that I don't hate it, but okay. I'm sorry for freaking out."

They sat in silence for a few moments before Elliot stood and laughed, looking around Olivia's apartment.

Olivia, intrigued by his sudden amusement stood as well and asked, "what?"

"You never did like to tell me about the men you were dating," he said as he scanned the items on her shelves.

She chuckled with him. "Can you blame me? Look at what just happened."

"Yeah, well… This is a little different," he replied, looking back at her when he reached the kitchen, picking up a picture frame to see a photo of Olivia and Noah.

Olivia scoffed. "Yeah… so different…" she said sarcastically. "You hated every guy that even attempted to go out with me. If I had a chance at all with them I had to keep it a secret!"

"None of them were good enough for you," he said with a shrug.

"Oh they were plenty good enough, you just wanted me all to yourself," Olivia joked.

He smiled and laughed lightly through his nose as he set the frame back in its place, but he didn't protest Olivia's comment like she thought he would. She meant it as a joke, but suddenly she felt a sense of vulnerability again as Elliot looked her body up and down—just like he used to, in a subtle way he could get away with, but that she always noticed. For the first time tonight she realized she was wearing nothing but a thin silk robe, yet somehow with Elliot, there was no discomfort. She always loved that about their relationship.

On the other hand, she saw Elliot _was_ getting uncomfortable, shifting in the spot where he stood. He leaned against the countertop and set his eyes to the floor. She knew that look—not from him specifically, but from anyone that was too shy to ask her about Lewis. She didn't have to look down to know that her robe wasn't covering some of her scars.

She sighed and walked closer to him, facing him as she leaned her hip against the same countertop. She took his hand, which caused him to raise his eyes to hers. She nodded. "It's okay," she said softly. "You can ask."

He swallowed and looked away for a moment as he squeezed her hand tighter. "I don't know if I can handle knowing," he said before facing her again.

She nodded in understanding, but also knew that _not_ knowing had been driving him crazy for years. She was drawn into his care for her, she wanted to comfort his sadness, and of all people, she had never felt more comfortable telling anyone else what happened with Lewis.

"Ask," she whispered.

He looked like he was going to be sick and she hadn't told him anything yet. It was never easy to tell someone what happened, but she knew how to get through it now—just say the words without allowing yourself to think about what actually happened. It was more difficult the closer she was with the person asking, though. She watched him take a few more breaths before convincing himself to do it.

"What did he do to you, Liv?"

Even though she knew it was coming, it shook her. She looked down just slightly so that her eyes were even with his chest. Another tactic to stay disconnected—don't look them in the eye when you explain. "I went home after his trial… I was still at my old place," she began. Elliot readjusted their hands so they were more secure. She wasn't sure where the other hand was, but she wasn't going to look around. She needed to focus. "Lewis… He was already in my apartment, got in somehow and held a gun to my face. I was there for two days tied to a chair with duct tape." She felt Elliot's thumb rub her hand softly. "He, um… forced me to drink a ton of vodka, burned me with cigarettes and branded me with hangers. He cut me with a knife and pistol whipped me a couple times to knock me out. He… uh…" A knot in her stomach arose. The next part was always the most difficult. "Um…" she stuttered. "He touched me… everywhere." Elliot's other hand appeared out of nowhere and took hold of her bicep, almost as if to steady her. Surprisingly to her, something about the gesture actually did make her feel more steady, gave her more confidence to continue. "He… he used…" she cleared her throat and tightened her grip on Elliot's hand as she continued to stare at his chest. "He used his fingers and his mouth, but… he didn't rape me… We left here and he found others along the way to the beach house. He forced me to watch as he raped them… When we got to the beach house I found the strength to break a bar off the bed frame and I beat him with it."

Finally she looked back up to see that Elliot hadn't taken his eyes off of her. Those eyes were red and his jaw was clenched tightly.

"That… that's it," she said. "That's what happened."

Elliot's hands were abruptly taken from her own hand and bicep and her heart began to race. This wasn't the response she was used to. Was he angry? Was he leaving?

Maybe he was right—he couldn't handle knowing.

He took a step back and her eyes widened exponentially as Elliot reached behind him and grabbed a hold of his shirt, pulling it swiftly over his head.

"Elliot what the hell are you—"

He interrupted her when he took her hand back in his and brought it to his own bicep. "This one's from when that guy on PCP threw me through the window," he said.

Olivia's heart fluttered when she realized what he was doing—showing her his scars. She traced the scar with her fingers and smiled. "That guy wasn't even stopped by the taser."

Elliot's chest shook with his light chuckle. He pointed to the other arm. "The gunshot wound by that kid white supremacist." He said.

She brought her other hand to the scar, traced it, then moved to the next one. His shoulder. She remembered holding pressure to the spot like it was yesterday, blood continuing to flow out of him despite her efforts. "Bushido," she said. He nodded and she met his eyes. This was the most intimate they'd been since that night. She was touching his naked torso for the second time in her life. They both acknowledged that silently.

Her hand drifted again to scars that ran across his chest. She couldn't help the smirk that formed on her mouth. "Stuckey?" she asked.

"Stuckey," he confirmed.

They shared a moment of amusement and simultaneous darkness as they remembered that night. Then Elliot put his hand over the one Olivia had on his chest.

"All of these scars, all of these… These shitty things I went through over the years… None of them make me as strong as you, Liv. None of them compare to the hell you survived… Liv… you… God, you're amazing." His other hand reached for Olivia's cheek and she closed her eyes at the contact. He pulled her closer and rested his forehead on hers, their bodies pressing against each other through her silk robe. "I… Jesus Liv…" he whispered. "I'm just so thankful you're… that he didn't… I just…" his words fell apart as he tried and failed to figure out what to say. That she's alive, he didn't rape her, that she's working through it, she's moving forward.

"I know," she whispered back, breathing him in as they leaned into one another. Her hand slid from his chest to his neck and she found herself wanting nothing more than to tilt her face up, capture his lips. For him to untie her robe, remove everything separating them, press her scars up against his… Everything they'd shared and their current position sent a wetness straight to her core.

She wanted him. And judging by the fact that his breathing was getting just as labored as hers, he felt the same way.

"You should probably go," Olivia whispered. But her actions contradicted her words, her nose rubbing his as her lips came dangerously close to claiming his… Her grip around his bicep slid around to his back, holding him tighter.

"Yeah…" he replied, turning their bodies so he was pressing her against the kitchen counter.

They breathed into each other, flirting with the line, daring to get closer without their lips touching. It was still something they could write off as friendship. They could still technically say they hadn't crossed that line.

Olivia suppressed a moan as Elliot's thick erection came into contact with her thigh, just to the left of where she needed it. It both turned her on more and sent out a huge red flag to make her stop this before she did something stupid.

"El…" she tried, but she couldn't bring herself to pull away. "El… I… We can't…"

"I know…"

But as she tried to say something else, her lips brushed his and Elliot couldn't hold back anymore.

Her tongue immediately sought his when their lips crashed. She whimpered, her hands touching every part of him she could reach as she tasted him for the first time. They quickly lost their breath and parted for air, Elliot diving to her neck, receiving a moan as Olivia threw her head back to open herself up to him. He moved his hips back and adjusted himself and when he collided with her again, his erection connected directly with her covered clit.

"Oooh god!" Oliva moaned as Elliot thrusted into her rhythmically, continuing his assault on her neck. She panted and gasped for air. Everything about him felt so good.

She opened her eyes, still in ecstasy, just as Elliot's hand slipped into her robe, his bare hand on the bare skin of her torso… and saw a picture on the fridge that made her entire body fall into shock: her, Noah, and Ed in Paris.

" _Shit!"_ she hissed. "Elliot, stop!" She pushed Elliot back and turned away from him, walking a few steps away and tightening her robe as she caught her breath. When she turned back to him, she saw Elliot leaning with his arms against the counter, hanging his head low.

He stood straighter and faced her. His eyes were chalked full of sadness and concern. "Liv, I'm sorry… I shouldn't have d—"

"No—" Olivia said as she held up a hand to say 'stop'. She shook her head. "It was both of us."

They stared at one another for what seemed like forever before she took another breath.

"You need to go," she begged.

"Okay," he breathed. He stepped forward and paused in front of her, unsure of how he should leave her. He decided on a kiss to the cheek, causing her to close her eyes in a sigh once more. "Good night, Liv."

The door closed behind him and she buried her head in her hands.

"Shit."


	9. Chapter 9

Olivia arrived to the precinct late the next morning after a long sleepless night. She took a deep breath before turning the corner into the area where her coworkers were already working. She didn't know how Elliot would act towards her today- she hoped they could just move on. She wouldn't let her life drama get in the way of her job. It was too important to her. When she walked in, she saw her team talking in a huddle. Elliot looked up to see her, but she quickly averted her eyes.

"Lieutenant!" Amanda said. "We were waiting to talk to you about some movement in the case." Olivia stopped what she was doing to pay attention. "Detective Stabler interviewed some people at Hudson Jr. College last night. It seems like Mills was in every single class that these women who were raped were teaching. One of students there said that he and Mills often talked before class and said that Mills claimed he was studying to _be_ a teacher. He bragged about being one of the few men in the classes of women teachers and that he was going to be at a teacher's conference this weekend in the Hamptons. We thought it would be the perfect opportunity to conduct a sting operation and catch him in the act. You and Elliot would be on surveillance and ready for backup since he might remember you. Carisi and I would go in undercover as teachers."

Olivia nodded, taking in all the information she was given. "Okay. Prepare everything we need and call the conference to sign you and Carisi up and figure out the logistics. You two will go in as teachers. But we should continue to keep unis on campus in case we're wrong."

The team scattered to get to work and Olivia headed into her office. She didn't close the door behind her, so it startled her when she heard it shut. A sigh escaped her breath when she saw Elliot standing at the door with a sober expression.

"Last night you said that you came over to update me on the case—was this what it was about?"

Elliot crossed his arms in front of him and stepped two steps closer. "Yeah, I felt like I was getting somewhere and wanted you to know, but your phone was off. Then there were a few… distractions… and I forgot to tell you."

"You shouldn't be conducting interviews on campus by yourself."

Elliot narrowed his eyes, but didn't react to the comment. "Can we talk about—"

"We have work to do, Elliot," she pointed out.

"Which is why we should talk—clear the air so we _can_ work," he reasoned.

She shifted and set her things down. She knew he was right, but she wasn't sure what to say.

"Last night…" Elliot started. "That kiss—"

"It was just an intense moment," she interrupted. "I had just shared the most vulnerable things about myself with you and it was intimate and late and it… just happened. And I think we've been through enough together to be able to move on from it."

Elliot stared at Olivia as he nodded his head slowly, as if trying to process where she really stood on the subject… behind the façade she knew he could see through.

She looked down at the papers on the desk. "I'm with Ed. One-hundred percent," she said, her voice weaker than she meant for it to be. After a few more moments she met his eyes again.

"Okay," he said, even though she knew he didn't fully believe her. "Consider it forgotten."

She rolled her eyes as he left the office. _Forgotten._ That's hilarious. It's the only thing she could think about.

…

"You tired, Liv? Need me to drive?" Amanda asked when she, Olivia, Elliot, and Carisi were already on the highway.

"What? No, I'm fine!" Olivia answered.

"Okay, you've just been quiet this whole trip."

 _Because all I can think about is Elliot's erection thrusting against me,_ she thought. "Sorry," she replied to Amanda. "Just thinking… trying to make sure I had everything ready for Lucy to take care of Noah overnight."

"She's done it before!" Amanda said. "She knows what to do."

"Yeah, you're right," Olivia played along. "I'm sure he'll be fine."

"Any more stories of the old days?" Carisi asked from the back seat.

Olivia saw Elliot turn his head toward her from her periphery. "I don't know guys…" she said. "We can't waste all our stories in one week." Honestly, she just wanted to stay disconnected. The less they reminisce, the better.

"Oh please, you were partners for twelve years! There are plenty stories to last us through this trip!" Amanda retorted.

Olivia stayed quiet, unable to think up an excuse not to take a trip down memory lane.

After a few deafening moments, Elliot spoke up. "Did we tell you about the time Liv and I got hit on by the same woman?"

Olivia couldn't help the smirk that formed on her face at the memory. "Babs Duffy," she stated with a small laugh.

"She hit on both of you?" Amanda repeated.

"Kissed, actually," Elliot said, and even the word coming out of his mouth made Olivia shudder internally. "We were kissed by the same woman. She was a lesbian rights activist who turned out to be bisexual."

Amanda and Carisi laughed at the anecdote in the back seat. "That's too good!" Amanda exclaimed.

Olivia couldn't help it at that point, the memory was too funny. She laughed out loud and turned to Elliot, sharing a look that held mutual memories of that time. She realized then that what she told Elliot was true—they had so much history that one kiss wouldn't set them back. There was too much to fall back on. She could still laugh and work with and enjoy her best friend.

…

The team arrived at the conference early. It was being held in a large, expensive hotel in the Hamptons. They surveyed the area, set up cameras where needed, and set up a hotel room for viewing and running the op behind-the-scenes.

"Are you _sure_ you're up for this, Amanda?" Elliot asked as Olivia hooked a mic under Amanda's bra and covered her up. "I don't want you to get hurt. This guy could get violent."

Amanda waved him off. "I've done this before, Detective Stabler. I'll be fine."

Olivia finished fixing her mic, placed her earpiece, and attached a microscopic camera to her necklace. "Amanda is great at this. And she can defend herself, but Carisi will be down there with her too."

Elliot pressed his lips together and nodded, but Olivia could tell that something else was wrong. She patted Amanda's back and opened the door for her. "Go sign in for the conference and find somewhere to get settled in. You know where we'll be," Olivia said. "Carisi is already signed in. He will be on the far left in the largest conference room during the opening meeting. He emailed you the breakout sessions he signed up for."

"Alright. I'll be in touch. Thanks Liv," Amanda said on her way out.

Olivia shut the door and turned to find Elliot fiddling with all the cameras and microphones set up to watch and listen to the operation in the hotel room. One mic wasn't working properly so Elliot was banging it in his hand… a little too hard.

"Okay, woah!" Olivia said, walking quickly to him and taking the mic out of his hands. She set it down then pushed Elliot's shoulders down to prompt him to sit on the hotel bed. "El, what's going on?" she asked softly after sitting next to him.

"This fucking case!" he said. "We don't even have evidence on this guy and we're conducting this huge sting on a hunch!"

"Right, we don't have evidence so we're trying to catch him in the act. This is a standard procedure and we have a damn good hunch seeing that he was in every single rape victim's class… So, what's really bothering you?"

"I don't know," he said, running a hand down his face. "I'm just not comfortable sending Amanda out there. She's this rapist's type… young, blonde, petite…"

"She reminds you of Lizzy."

Elliot paused, his silence answering Olivia's question.

Olivia placed a hand on Elliot's shoulder. "But she's not, El. She's a trained officer. And she's good at her job."

He took a few more breaths to calm down and think, then he nodded, his eyes closed. "I know," he said, then turned his face to Olivia. "Thanks… Sorry for freaking out."

She rubbed Elliot's back, almost maternally. "Nothing to be sorry for." He maneuvered his body so he was facing her more directly, his features drawn down. "El, what is it?" she asked. The way he turned caused her hand to slide to his knee.

"Just… don't interrupt me in the next minute or so, okay?" Elliot asked.

"Okay…" she hesitated.

"I just… Last night when I was at your place, I—"

"Elliot—" She tried to move her hand away but he grabbed it, holding it tightly.

"You said you wouldn't interrupt."

Olivia sighed and tilted her head as she listened.

He continued when he was sure he had Olivia's full attention. "Liv… I'd be lying if I said I didn't want… _that… or_ if I said I haven't wanted that with you for a long time. Hell, I'd be lying if I said I haven't spent years trying to stop myself from fantasizing about it." Olivia's breath quickened, not only because the topic worked her up, but also at the idea of his fantasies. She'd known that Elliot would always sneak glances at her and she would catch him staring at her in a trance, but the open idea about him fantasizing about her felt different. "But I never want to hurt you, or do something that would hurt the relationship you're in, or uproot the life you've built with Noah. I meant it when I said that I want you to be happy, and I'm sorry that I kissed you."

"I know," Olivia responded. "El, what happened last night wasn't your fault… I kissed you just as much as you kissed me."

He huffed a humorless laugh and turned his body forward again so she was looking at the side of his face. He leaned forward and rested his elbows against his knees. "I know I joked the other day about our long-lasting sexual tension, but honestly, the only reason I made it those twelve years without kissing you back then is because I was so in the habit of denying myself that pleasure… shutting my feelings for you down before I could act. It became second nature. I guess I'm out of the habit."

Olivia stayed quiet as she soaked up what Elliot was telling her. His feelings for her back then were so strong that he had wanted to kiss her, he fantasized about her, had to suppress the desire to act? She knew there was always something, but she never knew he wanted the same things she did. It wasn't just tension. It wasn't just the stress of the job or sexual frustration. It was more than something physical. He didn't just want to bed her, see her naked, he had feelings for her.

And she never fucking knew.

She stood and paced a few steps away from the bed, running her fingers through her hair, trying to convince herself that it's not worth getting upset. She had Ed now. Things work out for a reason. Right?

"Liv?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Despite her efforts to stay calm, the question came out harsh.

Elliot stood when he saw the anger in her features. "Tell you? About my fantasies? Liv, of course I couldn't tell you about that…"

She contemplated for a moment that maybe his feelings grew _after_ he went back to Kathy. Maybe it wasn't while he was single and available. She crossed her arms in front of her.

"When?" she asked.

"When what?"

"When did you start to have feelings for me?"

Elliot exhaled sharply and mirrored her stance, his arms crossed in front of his chest. They were both guarding themselves from whatever it was they were confessing. They'd kept this hidden for so long it felt strange and vulnerable to admit.

Why wasn't he answering? Did she need to spell it out for him? "We flirted for years," Olivia added matter-of-factly. "We had moments, touches, there was sexual tension, glances… but when did you start to have _feelings_ for me?"

Elliot opened his mouth to speak, then closed it, twice, like he was going to say something, then changed his mind. Finally, he spoke. "I… I don't know exactly when it started, Liv… It was always there to some degree, I guess, but by the time Gitano happened…"

Gitano. That's the word she was waiting to hear. It made her heart skip and the blood rush to her head. She felt her face get flushed.

Elliot continued. "That's when I knew that what I was feeling for you was too strong to handle and it scared me."

Olivia shook her head and ran her hands through her hair, stopping for a moment to pull at it in frustration. "You _pushed me away,"_ she said, slowly but harshly. "You wanted me to choose the victim over you," her voice rose with every sentence. "You wanted me to fucking _shoot you!"_

"Liv…"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. I was confused and stupid."

Olivia turned away from him and leaned into the dresser/vanity in the hotel room to steady her breath and try to make sense of what she was hearing. Could she have been with him this whole time if one of them had just _said something?_

A few moments passed and she saw in the mirror in front of her that Elliot was a few steps behind her. "Olivia?"

"What?" It was a hard statement more than a question.

"Tell me why it's making you so angry that I didn't tell you."

Her heart skipped again. He was pointing out that she didn't say anything either. God, they spent so much time trying to hide it that neither of them was ever sure… But he _knew_. He had to have known. It was so obvious. She stood from her leaning position and turned to him.

"You knew," she said. "Don't tell me you didn't. You _had_ to have known."

His eyebrows furrowed, and he stepped in closer. He was a foot away when he spoke with urgency. "I knew _what,_ Olivia? Tell me."

She dropped her head and closed her eyes tightly. Why was she having so much trouble saying it? He has practically said it several times now, but it hurt so bad for her to confess it to him. It was the same damn pain she had felt for years—keeping her feelings from him, stifling her love, staying silent.

She felt Elliot's hand on her chin, encouraging her to lift her head. She did, meeting his piercing stare. "Tell me," he repeated.

She took a breath.

"There he is, second row, right section. Found our suspect."

Elliot and Olivia's eyes stayed fixed on each other when they heard Amanda's voice.

"Copy that," Carisi's voice said. "I'm going to sit in that spot next to him, befriend the guy. That alright with you, Leiu?"

Olivia blinked, then shook her head to snap out of it.

"Liv, wait—" Elliot tried to stop her before she headed to the video station in the room, but she was already gone.

Olivia picked up a microphone and pressed a red button. "Copy. Move forward with the plan."


End file.
